Dear Women,
As a self-appointed spokes-person for lazy, slothfuld, inactive and fat men worldwide, I hereby demand that you stop discriminating between men. Yes, some of us are fat, never shave, do not cut our hair and smell like a sack of old dough. But this isn’t our fault, we were born this way. Sure, we could exercise and spend time on polishing our exterior. But we were born lazy, bigboned, bad-smelling and with large neckbeards. This is not our fault, and I therefore DEMAND that you stop being attracted to well-built, well-groomed men. It is unfair. We cannot help the way we were born, and we cannot be expected to do anything about it (see previous paragraph about being lazy). We therefore demand that you look at us with desire just as much as you do other men, and in equal share bestow upon us your womanly gifts of love, commitment and sex. Calling men fat, overly bearded and ill-smelling is OPPRESSION, and you as women – especially feminists – should not be allowed to behave in this much inappropriate way. We sacks-of-lard get sad and depressed every time we see an image of a healthy, fit, strong man, because we know that due to our predisposition (towards lazyness) we can never achieve this. The fact that women somehow CHOOSE to not be attracted to us simply because of the way we were born (as lazy slobs uninterested in improving) is an insult to fairness and decency.
Unless women of modern society come around, we will bring this question to the authorities and force state action. We will demand quotas for fat, lazy bastards in all parts of societies. We want extra large chairs. We demand to be loved and most specifically desired by sexy women. Our flabby arms and the tires around our waists are not our fault! It is society that has imposed upon us beauty ideals that leave us in the shadow of men who work out, take showers and occasionally shave. This is wholly unacceptable.
Regards,
// Fat Lazy Slobs United (we are to lazy to come up with an acronym beter than FLSU)
(…)
….on a related note, I just broke fifty pushups and this was in fact sarcasm. I strongly suspect that feminists and their ilk will not get the point, but the manosphere probably does.
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Pretend to be halfway serious and bring this up to feminists and FA people. They might support it. You can start a new oppressed victims group.
Well, if I was a fat lazy slob, I might actually try! Luckily, I’m not. Also, victim groups are for, well, victims. Wouldn’t want to be member of a victim group where everyone is only victim to their own stupidity and short timeframes.
Sorry boys, this very snarky and sarcastic, very feminist woman, also lays claim to a sense of humor and an eye for irony. Also? To me, feminism is about taking responsibility for your health, NOT being a victim to the processed “phood” industry, big pharma or the medical establishment. I actually read in one of these “fat acceptance” blogs that one should not call processed food “poison” because it is akin to accusing people of eating poison and (gasp) hurting their feelings. The same blogs (no kidding) claim that a candy bar can be a more nutritious choice than an apple, depending on the circumstances. They say that “no one is obligated to be healthy” which is just another way of saying that you’re okay with other people having to take care of you someday. I pity these people’s children…I don’t want my kids having to wash my ass and change my Depends because I’m too fat to waddle to the bathroom.
You are a true feminist. Feminism, upon a time, meant women owning their actual power – you clearly have not forgotten. Kudos!